Closing Curtains

I feel trapped between space and reality

I feel trapped between seeing and unseeing

I feel trapped cause sometimes i can't stand my family

And they can’t stand me all the time

Choked of choices i don't get to make

I'm not at all busy

Feeling something breezy

Broken and not breathing

Rules set by overruling rulers

Doors taken of hinges cause she's not to be trusted

she doesn't trust you

She doesn't trust your views

Scholarships she worked hard on

Taken away because she doesn't value her life as much as you value yours

A safety net she doesn't have

Has to stay around people she cant stand

Preparing her for a future she will never have

She's sad and moody all the time

And she is not okay

What is fine

What ever made you think she could possibly be fine

Packing up a house that never felt like home

Leaving friends

It never gets old

Smarter and more mature than

Most but it's not enough because

She isn't fluent in perfect

Pushing who you want to be on her

Like the waves protruding from the back of her eyelids aren't real

Having to think she isn't valid

Her parents over reacting

……….

She should just give up

But she doesn't

And if they say she's acting

She will end her play

Goodnight

,and we hope to never see you again

At the Bottom of the Mirror

Slowly yet someplace sunny and happy

More than a blank home to hold snowy winter

The feeling of guilt cupped the face of my fear

Fireflies making their night trips home

is deep yet shallow blue yet Purple

I'd be there if myself confidence rears its ugly head

Somebody and my clouded personality

Is close to you

Smile if I cry

Sluggishly push on forward to the warmth of the day

Am I closer to the clearing

To breathe cold almost spring

Thick gray sky fading

The color is clear crystals gleam

Never look back if I fall again

Somebody vibrant

A new you

Somebody I used to know is glistening slowly

Help me if I am lost

Somebody mysterious

Compelling

You

The numb feeling of winter

The enemy is Cold

Run if I die

Sneak close to the ground

Please help me if I feel sad

Somebody

A Happy person

You

Somebody full of untold stories

What a lovely you

Slowly and surely to the bottom of the surface

I Want to grasp my mind to hold on to the cloudy images

A snake with poisonous venom not as poisonous as your words

It's fast and flowing is it controlled by the wind

I touch the surface if I fall into myself

Somebody jealous
An anxious person

I think I'll take a pass on you

Cold

I keep seeing the spaces between your words

My hands get cold when i talk about you

I love you

And I love idea that people have pushed me to want

I am not in love with you because if i was

My hands wouldn't be cold right now

I shattered my phone the other night

People asked me why i told them i just dropped it

I broke a mug on a Sunday morning i told everyone i just tripped

My hands are cold again

I feel obsessed not with the person but their problems

I don't want to solve them

I won't know them so i could think I'm glad that I'm me

That sounded disgusting because I'm not allowed to feel sorry for myself

Even though my sorry means nothing

I don't care anymore

You act like the anxiety i get when you don't respond to me isn't normal

No part of me is normal

My problems don't matter because I'm supposed to be wiser than I'm supposed to have the answers

I don't

You were quiet towards me you blocked me off

had enough of me and I've had enough of you

Someone listen to the problem i have without thinking of how you could relate god i'm getting hypothermia this can't wait

I am not in love with you or the earthquakes you create

To you I'm just the dumb girl who doesn't know how to give you a break

you assume this is about you i texted you too see if you were as screwed up as i am

Or maybe you are and  you just hide it well

Maybe this thing was just meant to break.

Cardboard

Behind my skin is cardboard

Bendable expendable

Thick walls of metal protecting the efficiency of my malnourished brain

Cords plugged in

The wrong places

There is no escaping the impossible beating of my liquid heart

It flutters at the most stupid times

But now the butterflies are moths eating at my

My rough exterior

What's the point of flying away when you will eventually touch the ground again

Words I used to say

Swimming in thick oatmeal

My

Alligator skin something I constantly live in

A black and blue

The modification of two swollen words

Black blue

Two open bruises

One choking on the prospect

Of loving the hives the cracked flesh peeling off the sharp jagged pieces of my own soul

My back hurts pretty sure that if don't lose

This overwhelming feeling of holding the weight of the whole flat earth on my broad shoulders

might kill me

The second

A great distance below my neck absorbing

My private thoughts

Hopes

And the dead flowers in the back of her car

A daisy with alligator petals