Rose mallows

Stood in the mirror

I love you

I love you

I love you

Pinching my sides

And crying in the shower

Isn’t enough self-hate

B- bound to find another way to live

E- empty calories consumed and regretted by me

A-ample time to whine about the future

U- useful words not existed by me

T-to much tolerance for self-hatred

I-Is it enough to grow up and find my way

F-full of breath, filling up my empty lungs with penance

U- universal tailing of how many calories are in mint Oreos

L- let’s find us likable to at least some extent

Because honey your worth more than the 10 cent

Moon pie you had for breakfast

Can we break this chain?

Of unexplainable pain

Held by us

The broken ones

Consumed by the waves that keep flowing over

Our tightly sewn lips and

For once can I stand

In the mirror and say I love

You and mean it

Then maybe we can learn to love everyone including

Ourselves

Bubble Gum

America, isn't everything just perfect

The way fighting gets you a one way ticket to a better life

Where the blood of your ancestors means nothing to me

America the perfect

Where man's finger tips drip in viagra

And you never know who and or what's  around the next corner

Where our self worth is lower and no longer contains much self or worth

Its america home of those who  have to much, too little or nothing

The home of those who want better but keep being set back by problems they make themselves and blame others

Animal homes are destroyed as we build ours that make so much pollution but apparently we have so many excuses

 

We have have guns us black people made of skittles and gum wrappers so watch out you may get a bruise because skittle bullets hurt your ego

Apparently bubble gum is enough to load guns

And take down your sons

That you say have a future

We act like there's so much to be won

Other than not losing your thumbs

too the clicking of your phone or tablet

Dont show us any mercy it will only turn into self pity

And i'm not buying a cake for your pity party

America making it great for old white men

Congrats you made it over the border

and are registering to become a citizen

prepare to be sent back its a one way ticket and a pack of peanuts to close

other than facing your

normal day to day discrimination.   

Breathe breathe breathe a wall will be produced from those being kept out of a place that's not safe or even kind to their race

Welcome to our wonderful home

of confederate flags and salted candies and black licorice

That turn into whips in your grandfather's hands

Welcome to american home of the racists

With caked over white faces

That come and take us in the night

Goodmorning you woke up again in the land of ungratefulness

I'd give you some space but once again this is the land of ungratefulness and uselessness

So id think you’d be ungrateful and or useless

But i guess i'll never know because i'll never test you and i'll never ask you either

So ether hold your head up or prepare for me to become ungrateful

Don't underestimate the power of the unfaithful

So please once again tell me I'm I the one being unfaithful

Or you for giving out power to those who are still in

Pampers

Laced with the hands of those who have so many answers

But still can't seem to have the right answer

 

  

 

Closing Curtains

I feel trapped between space and reality

I feel trapped between seeing and unseeing

I feel trapped cause sometimes i can't stand my family

And they can’t stand me all the time

Choked of choices i don't get to make

I'm not at all busy

Feeling something breezy

Broken and not breathing

Rules set by overruling rulers

Doors taken of hinges cause she's not to be trusted

she doesn't trust you

She doesn't trust your views

Scholarships she worked hard on

Taken away because she doesn't value her life as much as you value yours

A safety net she doesn't have

Has to stay around people she cant stand

Preparing her for a future she will never have

She's sad and moody all the time

And she is not okay

What is fine

What ever made you think she could possibly be fine

Packing up a house that never felt like home

Leaving friends

It never gets old

Smarter and more mature than

Most but it's not enough because

She isn't fluent in perfect

Pushing who you want to be on her

Like the waves protruding from the back of her eyelids aren't real

Having to think she isn't valid

Her parents over reacting

……….

She should just give up

But she doesn't

And if they say she's acting

She will end her play

Goodnight

,and we hope to never see you again

At the Bottom of the Mirror

Slowly yet someplace sunny and happy

More than a blank home to hold snowy winter

The feeling of guilt cupped the face of my fear

Fireflies making their night trips home

is deep yet shallow blue yet Purple

I'd be there if myself confidence rears its ugly head

Somebody and my clouded personality

Is close to you

Smile if I cry

Sluggishly push on forward to the warmth of the day

Am I closer to the clearing

To breathe cold almost spring

Thick gray sky fading

The color is clear crystals gleam

Never look back if I fall again

Somebody vibrant

A new you

Somebody I used to know is glistening slowly

Help me if I am lost

Somebody mysterious

Compelling

You

The numb feeling of winter

The enemy is Cold

Run if I die

Sneak close to the ground

Please help me if I feel sad

Somebody

A Happy person

You

Somebody full of untold stories

What a lovely you

Slowly and surely to the bottom of the surface

I Want to grasp my mind to hold on to the cloudy images

A snake with poisonous venom not as poisonous as your words

It's fast and flowing is it controlled by the wind

I touch the surface if I fall into myself

Somebody jealous
An anxious person

I think I'll take a pass on you

Cold

I keep seeing the spaces between your words

My hands get cold when i talk about you

I love you

And I love idea that people have pushed me to want

I am not in love with you because if i was

My hands wouldn't be cold right now

I shattered my phone the other night

People asked me why i told them i just dropped it

I broke a mug on a Sunday morning i told everyone i just tripped

My hands are cold again

I feel obsessed not with the person but their problems

I don't want to solve them

I won't know them so i could think I'm glad that I'm me

That sounded disgusting because I'm not allowed to feel sorry for myself

Even though my sorry means nothing

I don't care anymore

You act like the anxiety i get when you don't respond to me isn't normal

No part of me is normal

My problems don't matter because I'm supposed to be wiser than I'm supposed to have the answers

I don't

You were quiet towards me you blocked me off

had enough of me and I've had enough of you

Someone listen to the problem i have without thinking of how you could relate god i'm getting hypothermia this can't wait

I am not in love with you or the earthquakes you create

To you I'm just the dumb girl who doesn't know how to give you a break

you assume this is about you i texted you too see if you were as screwed up as i am

Or maybe you are and  you just hide it well

Maybe this thing was just meant to break.

Cardboard

Behind my skin is cardboard

Bendable expendable

Thick walls of metal protecting the efficiency of my malnourished brain

Cords plugged in

The wrong places

There is no escaping the impossible beating of my liquid heart

It flutters at the most stupid times

But now the butterflies are moths eating at my

My rough exterior

What's the point of flying away when you will eventually touch the ground again

Words I used to say

Swimming in thick oatmeal

My

Alligator skin something I constantly live in

A black and blue

The modification of two swollen words

Black blue

Two open bruises

One choking on the prospect

Of loving the hives the cracked flesh peeling off the sharp jagged pieces of my own soul

My back hurts pretty sure that if don't lose

This overwhelming feeling of holding the weight of the whole flat earth on my broad shoulders

might kill me

The second

A great distance below my neck absorbing

My private thoughts

Hopes

And the dead flowers in the back of her car

A daisy with alligator petals

Loving you

I’m scared

You’ve become my everything

When you laugh deeply and your eyes light up

Like  the stars, i stare at when I need a wish

When you smile it makes me forget all of my problems because it feels as if you solved them all

My face heats up when I talk to you

So I awkwardly try and cover my face

I’m not supposed to think of you this way

When your eyes shine I look away

Even though more than anything I want to tell you how beautiful they are

But I forbid myself to get hurt

Again

It hurts that I can't look you in the eyes without slowly drifting off into a daydream about something that will never happen

Sometimes I scare myself by thinking you're gonna leave me some day even though I know these fears are true I try to hide my terrors in happy thoughts that morph into worry

I keep myself under lock and key

Although I lost the key I make no effort to find it

When I talk to you sometimes I can’t breathe

The room closes in on me until no one's left just you and me

But I turn away

I fear I’m slowly boring you and it slowly tears me to shreds

It's like when you scream and no one can hear you

I blink back tears

But I can't forget you when your face is branded into my mind

But I'm not you preference

Sometime’s I fear I'll be no one's preference

If I could bang my head on a table without looking crazy

I don't know how many tables I would own

I'm so worried lately but I make sure you don't know why

It’s just me being crazy again no need for anyone to know

That slowly my voice fades into desperation

The once burning need I have for you is push into the back of my ever expanding mind

The little things you do drive me crazy

If I listed all the things I love about you

I'd have to run  a mile to catch the paper

So I'm not revealing the secret I worked so hard to conceal

Because I learned I want to look nice for you but no to nice so you don't suspect

So best friend

Next time you laugh

Smile

Or look at me

I hope you get that I love everything about you

Yeah it’s slowly driving me crazy

So I'll hold my tongue for four years

Because I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cover my face

And to try to deny the fact that I’m kind of crazy about you